my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize