New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
