if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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