At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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