He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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