it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
