the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
