i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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