Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
