She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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