I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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