My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
