So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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