you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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