Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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