i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
