you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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