I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
