She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
