forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fill condoms, not promises.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
