I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
