He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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