I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
