wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize