I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
