no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
