are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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