why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
