i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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