You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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