Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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