i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
