If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
