The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
