woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
