I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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