in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
