Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
