It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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