yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My bed smells like the plague
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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