We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
