you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
North Korea, Best Korea!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize