Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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