Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
