I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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