I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
