you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
