Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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