I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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