So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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