You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
