I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
