She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
