what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
