Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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