I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
