Just mADE A PArabola og urine
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
