I looked at my own cervix.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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