You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
