If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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