420 ftw
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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