I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
