it hurts more in the daytime
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
