How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
