You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
