Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
