i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
