im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
