Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
