when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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