i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
