Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
