Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
